There is a reason why relationships are so fragile and fail so often. That is because only unconditionality works. In practical terms that means that we need to constantly strive to behave loving even under the most difficult circumstances. Below you see just a short list of loving behaviors that generate nourishment – and behaviors which are painful because they deprive us of this much needed energy. Now imagine having a close, loving relationship missing one of those loving behaviors, even though you receive all the others. Can you feel good about a relationship which is ‘disrespectful’, or ‘dishonest’, or ‘unappreciative’, or ‘unacceptive’, or ‘impatient’, and so on? And of course once one of these negative behaviors appears in a relationship and continues in spite of objections, soon others follow. The point here is that if this is not taught from early childhood it becomes much more difficult to change once a person becomes conditional and unaware of how their unloving behaviors affect others.
Loving, Nourishing Behavior | Unloving, Depriving Behavior | |
Respectful
Understanding
Encouraging
Patient
Supportive
Appreciative, Thankful
Affectionate, Touching
Warm, Smiling
Soft, Gentle, Tender
Giving
Accepting
Thoughtful, Considerate
Compassionate, Empathic
Praising
Aware, Mindful
Listening, Hearing Other
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Disrespectful
Rude, Contemptuous,
Discouraging
Impatient
Unsupportive
Ungrateful
Withholding, Withdrawn
Cold, Curt, Aloof
Hard, Harsh
Selfish, Self-Centered
Rejecting
Unthinking, Unkind
Unsympathetic
Critical
Self Absorbed, Busy
Listening Only to Self
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